Where has the Local Community Gone?
Before reading this, I want to make it clear that I have written from my own personal perspective. If you have a very different story and are part of a very active local community, then not only do I envy you, but I would love to hear more about it. So please do get in touch if you want to share your own experience!
I have been involved with The Balanced Screen Hub initiative for only a few weeks, but even in this short time, I’ve begun to rethink my views on online devices, particularly smartphones. Initially, I thought the goal was to criticise smartphones and unregulated online content. However, it has turned into a deeper exploration of the underlying mental health and societal issues we face today. While it’s essential to be mindful of our online behavior and to hold social media companies accountable, the root causes of our obsession with the digital world may lie somewhere else entirely…
Although I have been considering my own use of devices and that of my children for a long time now, it wasn’t until reading Haidt’s Anxious Generation that I was prompted to think more critically about online habits, especially in a family context. It justified me banning my kids from using devices in the week but made me feel guilty for the screen time my kids were allowed at the weekends! It confirmed my decision not to let my daughter have a smartphone until the age of 14 and my plan to ensure she doesn’t use social media before that age. It made me more mindful about my own use of devices, in particular around my children. However, I did disagree about some points in the book. For instance, there is no way that I would allow my 16-year-old son out at night without the Find My app. While I don’t need to know every detail of his activities, I want the ability to locate him if he doesn’t come home by the agreed-upon time.
I would love to give my younger kids more freedom, as Haidt suggests, but my instincts hold me back. I worry too much about their safety. This is undoubtedly shaped by the portrayal of crime in the media. Statistically, the chances of something happening are low, yet I can’t shake this anxiety. This mindset stems from how I was raised, constantly worrying about potential threats. Since the start of September, my daughter, who is in Year 6, may ride her bike home from school or to a friend’s house, a distance of less than a kilometer, but I require her to text me (on her old school Nokia) before she leaves. I want to grant her more freedom, but for now, this is what I am comfortable with. I also believe that a child’s character plays a significant role; some children are naturally more responsible and aware than others.
Today children are constantly with their parents. My kids spend a considerable amount of time with me, and we do nearly everything together unless they are at school. We live in a foreign country and do not have a large support network around us. In contrast, I grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s in the same town, often left to play outside for hours with little adult supervision. My husband, who grew up in Germany, did not go to kindergarten but instead explored the woods with friends. Such autonomy seems unimaginable today. Today’s parents often feel guilty if their children spend too much time in front of a screen. There’s immense pressure to engage children in various activities: crafts, baking, foreign language learning, extra homework, sports, and ensuring they eat nutritious meals. As a parent, it can be exhausting to keep up! This societal expectation has led to what some term “helicopter parenting.” The COVID-19 pandemic further intensified this issue, as children became even more dependent on their parents and were cut off from friends and community activities. People have become more comfortable staying at home, online meetings are more commonplace, and it seems like people are not as committed to attending regular social events. We have come to accept unanswered messages and last-minute cancellations.
Although the pandemic exacerbated our reliance on digital interaction and decreased social contact, this trend began long before. Local community engagement has been on the decline for years. In large cities, neighbors may never have any meaningful interaction with one another. Families are often geographically dispersed, and many elderly individuals now live alone or in care homes, reducing intergenerational connections. Childcare responsibilities that once involved extended family members are increasingly outsourced, leaving parents with fewer opportunities for personal time. There is often a reluctance to engage with neighbors and the community. Social commitments require time and effort, and as a result, we’ve lost a sense of community support and awareness of each other’s struggles.
Religion is another part of the puzzle. Whatever your faith, religion has a common purpose. Followers meet to pray together and sacrifice personal time for their religion. The church is a typical example. The Sabbath was the holy day to go with the family to church. This was a weekly practice that brought families and the greater community together. This led to more social events affiliated with the church, which brought people of all ages and backgrounds together. There were coffee mornings, youth clubs, fairs, and more, which brought energy to the community. People made friends and connections, which enriched their lives.
Voluntary work could similarly enhance community engagement. Programs that encourage teenagers to assist local charities, environmental initiatives, or elderly care could benefit both the teens and the community at large. Such activities would provide valuable life skills and foster social connections. For instance, my son often spends his weekends in bed; I believe he would find fulfillment in participating in a structured community service program. If volunteering were a requirement, it could motivate teens to engage and enjoy these experiences with friends. It is quite difficult to find employment before 18 years, so this could be invaluable for younger teenagers. It would give them a great sense of purpose, and they would feel more valued to be given responsibility. Why shouldn’t kids get involved working at a younger age? It shouldn’t get in the way of school obligations, but it could complement this and be good for mental health. It would give youngsters a sense of perspective and possibly give them ideas about employment options in later life.
Mindfulness is another area we often overlook. Nowadays, our time is consumed with shopping, chores, work, and screen time, leaving little room for reflection and quiet contemplation. Attending church offered a regular opportunity for introspection; what have we replaced that with?
To encourage our kids to engage more with the world, we can:
Organise Playdates: Coordinate alternating playdates with friends to give all parents some much-needed breaks.
Promote Mentoring: Encourage older teenagers to mentor younger children in sports or other activities.
Advocate for Community Programs: Campaign for local initiatives that provide work opportunities for teenagers, fostering a sense of shared purpose and responsibility.
Establish Youth Centers: Create safe spaces for teens to gather under adult supervision, where they can interact with positive role models.
Form Clubs: Develop clubs focused on sports, arts, or learning that are not necessarily tied to religious organisations.
Get More Involved Personally: Try & get involved with the community too, in whatever small way you can, you may also reap the benefits.
By making real-world experiences more accessible to kids and teenagers, we can help reduce excessive online use. Allowing children more freedom within safe boundaries will enable them to develop their identities and independence without relying solely on the digital world.
