From Texts to Heartbreak: The Changing Face of Teen Dating in the Digital World
Teenagers need healthy dating experiences to grow into balanced and functioning adults.
In general, teenagers want to date, as it is a natural process and often a status symbol. If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you are often admired or envied by your peers. Adolescence is an important period for self-exploration, and behaviour is heavily influenced by peers. It is part of the transition from childhood to adulthood, and for many, it’s a big deal. In fact, teenagers need healthy dating experiences to grow into balanced and functioning adults. Being in a relationship teaches us important things like empathy, communication, conflict management, consideration, and introduces us to different forms of physical contact and sex. A partner can offer solace, trust, and comfort beyond what family or peers can offer. It is a unique relationship of intimacy unlike others the teenager has known before. Of course, relationships also bring challenges such as arguments and heartbreak, which can be difficult to manage, but ultimately, these experiences help teenagers gain real-life experience and deal with the ups and downs of life. These experiences help teens navigate not only their emotional needs but also their evolving sense of attraction, which may be more fluid than in previous generations. This evolving understanding of love allows them to engage in relationships that reflect their true selves.
Dating in the Digital Age
Teenagers often date someone from their school or local community, but much of their communication continues online. Social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Discord, and multiplayer online games offer spaces where young people hang out and also serve as dating platforms. The appeal of social media is that it allows teenagers to develop a more grown-up identity, independent of their parents. They can spend time creating profiles, uploading photos, and posting content that portrays them in the best possible light. This can give them the courage to reach out to people they might otherwise be too nervous to approach in person. The hyper-connected generation of today has a strong desire to be part of the digital world where all their peers congregate, and logically, this is also where dating happens.[1] Teenagers often communicate after school online, through calls and chats, which can last for hours. With multiple devices and channels of communication per device (such as apps, messaging, and games), adolescents may be communicating with multiple people at once. This can affect the quality of communication between friends if it is not solely focused on one individual. This conflict of interest can make it difficult for teens to give their partner the attention they might expect in a relationship. While young people appreciate social media as a communication tool, they admit that the public aspect of it can be aggravating. Messaging remains the preferred method of communication, and although it may be frowned upon from a moral standpoint, it is also one of the most common methods for ending a relationship.
Parental Awareness and Online Communication
As parents, we may not be as aware of whether our children are in relationships. In the past, phone bills were evidence enough, but today, communication is more subtle. Now, communication is often silent, but it can be intense, with the sharing of photos, relationship updates, and posts becoming a way to broadcast one’s status. Statements like "in a relationship with..." have become common. Some studies suggest that the internet, particularly social media, supports adolescents in detaching from their parents and focusing more on their peers, whether they know them in person or not. [2] Although this detachment is normal development, the internet accelerates this process. The online environment offers teenagers an entertaining space of endless content where they can explore their sexuality with more freedom and less judgment than in the real world. [3]
Flirting, Online Dating, and Cyberbullying
Whether teenagers meet love interests at school or in their local community, much of the flirting, wooing, and even breaking up happens online. A recent study found that 55% of teenagers aged 13-17 flirted online to signal their interest.[4] However, this flirting can sometimes be inappropriate, and girls are more likely to block someone if they feel uncomfortable (35%) compared to boys (16%).[5] While the internet serves as a useful dating tool, it also has its dark side, with cyberbullying being a significant issue. Cyberbullying involves repeated psychological harm inflicted through digital means.[6] One study found that 28% of adolescents in relationships had experienced digital dating abuse in the previous year.[7] The constant availability of communication through devices means that bullying, harassment, or abuse does not stop when they leave school and is almost continuous.
Social Media Stalking and Sexting
Many teenagers use social media to gather information about potential partners in the real world and to start flirting. [8]
Examples of flirting methods utilised by teens.
Social media stalking is one way teens can approach dating. In this behavior, they track down the person they like on social media, follow them, and scrutinize their account. Often, they start by liking posts to signal their interest, and if they like older posts, it is referred to as "deepliking," signaling that they are genuinely interested. The next step is typically sending a Direct Message (DM), and after the first response, the interaction escalates to frequent messaging. Teens might DM multiple people at once, keeping their options open until they decide on one person to commit to. If their interest wanes, they may begin “benching,” where one person shows clear disinterest, leaving messages unread, and eventually ghosting the other person.
Some teenagers may even engage in online relationships with people they have never met in person. These relationships may include sexting—sending or receiving explicit photos or being asked to share them. According to a recent study, 1 in 5 youths have sent a sext, and 1 in 3 have received one—without ever having physical contact with the other person.[9]
1 in 5 youths have sent a sext, and 1 in 3 have received one—without ever having physical contact with the other person.
The Impact of Pornography on Teen Dating
Pornography has also influenced the dating scene. A recent study of 13 to 17-year-olds revealed that 73% had consumed pornography online, with an average age of 12 when first exposed, and 15% were exposed before the age of 10.[10] Teenagers may have been exposed to years of pornographic content long before they have had their first date.
There is some evidence suggesting that frequent engagement with such content makes it harder for teenagers to connect with their family and peers and leads to earlier sexual activity. This exposure may also affect their dating experiences by creating unrealistic sexual demands and expectations.[11] [12] Teenagers who are exposed to graphic sexual content may be more likely to adopt sexually dominant behavior, develop unhealthy sexual habits, and exhibit behavioral problems. When children are exposed to exaggerated, gender-stereotypical, violent, or distorted sexual content too early in their development, it can influence the development of their sexual beliefs and desires. These teens may develop behavior devoid of feeling or consideration for the other party and may not fully consider mutual respect or consent.
Conclusion
Dating is a key part of adolescence, allowing teens to learn more about themselves and others. However, the rise of social media, digital communication, and pornography can complicate this process. While the internet provides chances for connection and self-expression, it also exposes teens to risks such as unrealistic expectations, cyberbullying, and distorted views of sexuality. It’s essential that children are equipped with the knowledge to navigate this ever-changing digital landscape, helping them understand the challenges and dangers it presents. Moreover, it’s vital that they receive guidance in developing healthy relationships based on mutual respect, consent, and emotional connection. One of the most effective ways to support this is by creating safe social spaces for tweens and younger teens.
By providing early chances to build strong social networks within their communities—where they can engage in activities with peers, be themselves, and do so independently of their parents—we can help them develop the relationship skills they will need throughout their lives.
How Safe Is Online Dating?
Concerns about the safety of online dating have grown over time. According to data from the Survey Center on American Life, only 35% of single women now believe that dating apps are safe, a significant drop from 58% in 2018. While people are becoming more aware of the dangers of online dating, AI is contributing to new challenges. With the rise of artificial intelligence, how can individuals know for sure whether the person they are interacting with online is actually real? The inability to verify the identity of someone you meet online raises the concern of safety and the potential risks of interacting with fake personas. There is still much intense discussion about how proper background checks be conducted to ensure people’s safety while using these platforms.
How Can We Address Online Safety with Our Children?
It is essential to explain the difference between a healthy interest in someone and what constitutes manipulative behavior. Children should understand the importance of being able to trust their instincts and to seek help when they feel uncomfortable in any situation, whether it involves a stranger, a family member, or a family friend. They need to know that if they feel uneasy, they should immediately speak with a trusted adult or friend and express their concerns.
Children should also be taught that their body is their own, and no one has the right to touch them without their consent. If a groomer begins to make threats toward them or their family, it should immediately raise an alarm that something is wrong. As a general rule, someone who cares for you would never resort to threatening behavior.
It’s equally important to explain to children what grooming is, even at a young age. Tweens are often the age when grooming first begins, and it’s critical to make sure they understand this behavior early on. Children also need to know that they should never communicate with strangers online. Apps should have built-in settings to restrict communication with people they don’t know. Encourage them to be aware of privacy settings and how to block and report anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. They should feel confident that they do not have to engage with anyone who makes them feel uneasy, and that these features exist to protect them.
References
[1] Khatcherian, Eugénie & Zdanowicz, Nicolas. (2018). Why do cyberbullied adolescents stay in contact with their harasser? A Literature Review and Reflection on Cyberbullied Adolescents' Coping Strategies. Psychiatria Danubina. 30. 537-540.
[2] Jassogne C, Zdanowicz N. Real or Virtual Relationships: Does It Matter to Teens? Psychiatr Danub. 2020 Sep;32(Suppl 1):172-175. PMID: 32890385.
[3] Cerniglia, L. (2024). The Impact of Dating Applications on Adolescent Development: A Psychological Perspective. Behavioral Sciences, 14(3), 215. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs14030215
[4] Lenhart, A., Smith, A., and Anderson, M. “Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships. “Pew Research. Center, October 2015. chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://assets.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/14/2015/10/PI_2015-10-01_teens-technology-romance_FINAL.pdf
[5] Lenhart, A., Smith, A., and Anderson, M. “Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships. “Pew Research. Center, October 2015. chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://assets.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/14/2015/10/PI_2015-10-01_teens-technology-romance_FINAL.pdf
[6] Maas, M.K., Wright, P.J., Rothman, E.F., Nelson, K.M., Weigle, P., Herbenick, D. (2025). Pornography Use During Adolescence: The Current State of Knowledge and Recommendations. In: Christakis, D.A., Hale, L. (eds) Handbook of Children and Screens. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-69362-5_47
[7] Hinduja, Sameer & Patchin, Justin. (2020). Digital Dating Abuse Among a National Sample of U.S. Youth. Journal of Interpersonal Violence. 36. 088626051989734. 10.1177/0886260519897344.
[8] https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/feature/online-romance/
[9] Mori, Camille et al., Are Youth Sexting Rates Still on the Rise? A Meta-analytic Update, Journal of Adolescent Health, Volume 70, Issue 4, 531 - 539
[10] 2022 Teens & Pornography. Common Sense. https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/teens-and-pornography Wright PJ,
[11] Peter J, Valkenburg PM. Adolescents and Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research. J Sex Res. 2016 May-Jun;53(4-5):509-31. doi: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441. Epub 2016 Mar 30. PMID: 27105446.
[12] Herbenick D, Paul B, Tokunaga RS. Exploratory Findings on U.S. Adolescents' Pornography Use, Dominant Behavior, and Sexual Satisfaction. Int J Sex Health. 2021 Mar 10;33(2):222-228. doi: 10.1080/19317611.2021.1888170. PMID: 38596752; PMCID: PMC10903642.
[13] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
