Swipes and Secrets: The Truth About Catfishing, Ghosting, and Online Dating
Many would agree that online dating has significantly transformed the dating landscape. It allows us to connect with people from around the globe, and with the convenience of chat, forums, and video calls, making those initial connections has never been easier—all from the comfort and safety of home. However, the online dating world also presents its own set of challenges. Here’s a breakdown of some of the key advantages and disadvantages of online dating:
One major issue with online dating is the anonymity it provides, which can lead to deceptive behaviour—since interactions are detached from the real world, people may feel emboldened to misrepresent themselves. The internet creates a more fantasy-driven environment, where it’s easy to portray an idealized version of oneself. Airbrushed photos and inventive text allow individuals to potentially present themselves as exactly who they want to be. It’s all too easy to hide or distort one’s real identity, including things like age, profession, hobbies, and other personal details. The problem arises when people are not transparent about their goals on the app—both parties may think they are on the same page, when in fact they are not, leading to confusion, frustration, and wasted time. This lack of honesty can also contribute to growing cynicism about online dating apps.
Catfishing and ghosting—both deceitful behaviors—are increasingly common in online interactions, and they can have a profound effect on one's mental health. In a survey of 5,000 participants in the US, 76% reported having either ghosted someone or been ghosted themselves during their dating experiences. [1] The most common reason for ghosting was having different expectations for the relationship compared to the other person. Ghosting, along with breadcrumbing (leading someone on without intent), offer an easy way out of a relationship without directly confronting the other person. People who engage in these behaviors often lack the courage to communicate their true feelings and avoid conflict, which results in unhealthy digital communication. Another phenomenon contributing to this issue is the rise of the situationship, where individuals date without any clear commitment. Though initially appealing to some, this often becomes emotionally complicated as time goes on, and it's hard for most people not to develop feelings.
People who engage in ghosting or enter situationships might be using such behaviours as protective mechanisms—trying to shield themselves from potential emotional harm. This defensiveness can contribute to the growing mistrust in online dating and make it harder to form lasting, genuine relationships.
Some of the most common reasons for ghosting![2]
The Changing Nature of Love and Relationships Online
While online dating platforms may offer a more comfortable space where rejections are handled with minimal exposure, this convenience comes at a cost. Online dating encourages short-term gratification, which often stands in contrast to the long-term persistence required for lasting relationships. The quick swipe culture and immediate connections might not allow the time and emotional investment necessary for a deep, committed relationship. The digital environment has also influenced the way we communicate so that we message one another or use other forms of digital communication rather than communicate in person. Online dating also discourages interaction with the local community; instead, hours are spent searching online, focusing on personal interests rather than collective engagement.
Social media has become an essential part of young people’s lives with 97% of US teens,[3] and 95% of 16-24 year olds[4] actively using it. It enables connections to be made but there is definitely evidence that it can have a negative effect on relationships. Features such as status posts, the visibility of likes, comments from others and the knowledge of whether messages have been read or left ignored can create tension and provoke potential conflict. It has been suggested that social media in fact hinders couples from talking and resolving their problems earlier on than would be the case through in person communication.[5]
The internet creates a more fantasy-driven environment, where it’s easy to portray an idealized version of oneself.
Online dating raises concerns about safety and accountability, as the absence of a shared social circle makes it harder to trust the person you're interacting with. It is difficult to tell whether we are interacting with a real person or with AI, especially as technology continues to evolve. In the future AI is likely to play a larger role in the dating world, potentially altering interactions in ways that we may not even notice. For now, many dating platforms still rely on human profiles, but the growing use of AI-driven chatbots could make it even more challenging to detect real human connections.
Are We Falling in Love the Way Nature Intended?
Digital communication has undoubtedly enabled unions that would not have been possible in the past. However, it also means that potential partners once found through real-world interaction may now be overlooked in favor of online connections.
Pornography has also filled a void and plays a role in fulfilling sexual desires without the need for real-world interaction. The constant exposure to idealized beauty and sexualized content has no doubt altered our perception of what is attractive. This may well be setting us up with unrealistic expectations when it comes to finding a partner. Even if someone doesn’t end up with someone they have met online, the sheer number of profiles they’ve seen can influence their decision-making and behavior when selecting a partner in real life.[6] The awareness of alternatives may indeed encourage breakups. Research suggests that the internet “encourage(s) people to behave differently, opt for casual sex rather than search for a permanent partner.” The rise of social media also contributes to dissatisfaction from comparison, distorting expectations and making real-life relationships feel less satisfying. This might then make you start to question your own self-worth, which can result in lowered standards and potential depression. If you are not getting constant validation through likes and contact requests this can affect your self-confidence. These external pressures make it harder for some people to portray themselves as attractive or to feel confident in romantic pursuits. We might potentially be missing out on people who are much more attractive in person. The emphasis on superficial values online—such as photos or profiles—can lead us to overlook other qualities that might make someone a better partner in the long run. The online world rewards surface-level judgments and doesn't allow the same depth of understanding that occurs through real-world interactions.
In online dating, you're presented with a wealth of information about a person right from the start, from photos to bios, preferences, and more. In contrast, real-world interactions offer a slower, more organic process of discovery through conversation and shared experiences. This has transformed the whole ritual of courtship. It is the influence of algorithms—not your family, friends, or community, that dictates who is potentially a good match based on pre-set criteria. While algorithms can match individuals based on compatibility, they fall short in gauging chemistry or physical attraction. These intangible aspects of a connection are simply beyond their reach. Moreover, algorithms can't assess whether the environment or lifestyle of a potential match aligns with your personal preferences. There's also the risk that algorithms could limit diversity—after all, how can an algorithm truly understand who you find attractive or connect with on a deeper, more personal level?
The quick swipe culture and immediate connections might not allow the time and emotional investment necessary for a deep, committed relationship.
Has Digitalisation Made Dating Harder: Statistics Suggest that it’s Complicated
In 2023, 3 in 10 adults in the U.S. reported using a dating app, with 53% of them being under 30 years of age.[7] A recent study by Forbes revealed that 45% of participants stated that online dating apps are the most popular place to meet people today. [8] However, despite the use of these platforms, 62% of Americans report that dating is more difficult today than it was just a decade ago. [9] This suggests a growing dissatisfaction with the current dating landscape despite the convenience that online dating offers.
In a different survey of 1,000 Americans, 78% of respondents stated that they are exhausted by using dating apps. [10] Gen Z feels this burden the most, with 18% of participants expressing frustration over the constant need to update profiles and manage multiple apps. This exhaustion highlights a key issue in modern dating—an overwhelming sense of burnout that might be reducing people’s motivation to engage with these platforms.
While digital communication has revolutionized the way we meet and connect with potential partners, it has also raised important questions about the quality and depth of these connections. The shift to the digital space has introduced challenges such as misrepresentation, superficial interactions, and a decline in face-to-face socializing, which can undermine our ability to form authentic, lasting relationships. With fewer opportunities for real-world interaction, many people miss out on the social and emotional skills needed for deeper romantic connections. This could explain why around 44% of Gen Z adults in the U.S. didn’t have a romantic relationship during their teenage years. [11]
While online dating is often a necessary starting point for many, it’s important to remember that true, meaningful connections still happen in the real world.
Online dating offers convenience and flexibility in our busy lives, and part of its popularity stems from the difficulty people face in building a real-world social network—especially for those who struggle with initiating connections in person. Its impact extends beyond romantic relationships, affecting family dynamics and local communities. While online dating is often a necessary starting point for many, it’s important to remember that true, meaningful connections still happen in the real world. If an online dating service brings people together to then socialise in the real world then it is definitely a benefit. As long as we don’t lose sight of this, then we can harness the best of both worlds—using digital tools to connect while nurturing the in-person interactions that build lasting relationships .
Ultimately, the digital transformation of love comes with its costs, urging us to balance online interactions with real-world engagement in our pursuit of meaningful relationships.
A quick glossary of (online) dating jargon.
REFERENCES
[1] https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/modern-dating-mental-health/
[2] https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/
[3] Pew Research Center. (2022, August 10). Teens, Social Media, and Technology 2022. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2022/08/10/teens-social-media-and-technology-2022/
[4] Ofcom. (2023). Online Nation: 2023. Ofcom. Retrieved from https://www.ofcom.org.uk/research-and-data/media-literacy-research/online-nation
[5] Bouffard, Skye & Giglio, Deanna & Zheng, Zane. (2022). Social Media and Romantic Relationship: Excessive Social Media Use Leads to Relationship Conflicts, Negative Outcomes, and Addiction via Mediated Pathways. Social Science Computer Review. 40. 1523-1541. 10.1177/08944393211013566.
[6] Goetz CD, Pillsworth EG, Buss DM, Conroy-Beam D. Evolutionary Mismatch in Mating. Front Psychol. 2019 Dec 4;10:2709. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02709. PMID: 31866904; PMCID: PMC6904347.
[7] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
[8] https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/
[9] https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-state-of-american-romance-how-politics-and-pessimism-influence-dating-experiences/
[10]https://nypost.com/2024/06/21/lifestyle/eight-in-ten-americans-burnt-out-with-dating-apps-research/
Images courtesy of Freepix.
