Love & Appreciation
Guest blog by Meesh Dooley
The Dullness of Digital Romance:
How Online Dating is Stealing the Magic of Authentic Connection.
Online dating has transformed how people meet, but in many ways, it’s sucked the life and excitement out of romance. Gone are the days of serendipitous encounters—when you locked eyes across a crowded bar or met a stranger on a rainy afternoon who felt like fate. Gone are the days of organic and effortless ‘meet-cutes’; where the electricity and tie between you both was unexplainable and it didn’t matter what colour his eyes were or how tall she was. Today, the human element of connection feels like it’s been reduced to swiping, blocking, messaging, and algorithms that try to predict chemistry.
Online dating has become convenient and time efficient, however; it encourages a “shopping” mentality. Profiles are nothing more than lists of bullet points and staged photos; half of which leave you questioning whether the person is in fact a person, a catfish or god help us all, an AI character. Spontaneous moments that real-world interactions offer are becoming less and less as our world encourages and supports more reclusive and isolated connections-all from the comfort of your sofa.
Instead of feeling the butterflies from an unpredictable, unscheduled, pre-scripted conversation, we’re presented with neatly curated bios and snapshots that often present an idealized version of a person. How soulless and exhausting. I too have fallen victim, in my single days to swiping through faces like they’re products on a shelf; my internal dialogue as soul destroying as the act itself “no…no…aaaaabsolutely not…are you kidding…is he serious…wow…nope…never…yeah right…” Many of these potential men of course, could have had great personalities and humour - none of which could be conveyed through a screen.
The energy we used to invest in reading body language, feeling out those first awkward moments, and finding common ground in real-time is now funneled into carefully crafted texts and endless back-and-forths that may never lead to a real connection - shoot me! And even if a conversation does spark, there’s a constant cloud of doubt: Is this really the guy in the picture? It’s not just about losing the spontaneity; online dating also chips away at the emotional investment required for deeper connections. With so many options and no risk of real-world consequences, the urgency and vulnerability of romantic pursuits fade. This endless availability leads to burnout—people get tired of the ghosting, the low-effort messages, and the mismatched expectations.
While online dating might seem like an efficient way to meet people, it often leaves us feeling drained and disconnected. The romance isn’t stolen; it’s quietly suffocated by screens and superficial exchanges. We long for something real, yet struggle to find it in a world where every swipe feels more transactional than transcendent. Online dating has a lot to answer for when it comes to individuals value of self-love and self-worth. This means that even if a “real life” encounter does occur, the seeds of self-doubt that online dating has planted; could start to grow roots - Thanks for that. Loving and appreciating someone else starts with loving and appreciating yourself—and without that foundational self-love, relationships can quickly become unbalanced, draining, or even toxic.
Self-love isn’t just about bubble baths or treating yourself to a new outfit; it’s about respecting your own worth, setting healthy boundaries, and taking the time to nurture your emotional well-being. When you have a deep sense of self-respect, you’re less likely to tolerate mistreatment or settle for anything less than you deserve. You also begin to understand your own needs, desires, and vulnerabilities, which makes it easier to communicate those to someone else.
In conclusion, online dating has its strengths absolutely! There are many happy couples out there who started off their relationships through being matched online. I can’t help but feel however; that true connection requires the energy and presence of two people, which is something that can't be fully captured in a virtual space. The magic of meeting someone meant for you is something felt in the moment, in the subtle details that happen face-to-face. In a world that is obsessed with virtual realities and artificial intelligence, I fear that true love might lose its way and get forgotten.
After exhausting online dating myself, I must say; I am proud of the love I found in real time. Our connection was built over 12 months in total silence and no interaction apart from the odd eye contact across a busy room. Our tie was something neither of us could explain but something we both felt very strongly. The butterflies I used to feel when I saw him, I still get when he smiles at me. I didn’t know his name, his age, what he did, what he liked to eat, what’s his best mate was called from being small, his hobbies or his favourite one liner! And not knowing that shit, was magnetic as hell to me.
My advice for people finding love in a world obsessed with technology and isolation? Put down the device and get outside - it is so fucking beautiful out there!
Image by Zuzana Klimecka from Pixabay
